My dear friends and followers, although this blog post breaks every good bloggers first amendment, I have to confess to you that I needed to write this not for yours, but for my very own sake. If I wanted to be more dramatic, I would even say for my mental sanity. Because it would still be an accurate description.
People say that life evolves in waves, and the fun about living it is learning how to ride them and to always understand where in the wave’s evolution you currently are. And every once in a while, you have these moments where you feel like some bigger force is turning a page to a new chapter for you. And I don’t only mean this metaphorically – you really physically feel it that day. It’s like you were just born again, and you look at yesterday and think it feels like it was ages ago! Sounds familiar?
Exciting times. This is the moment when one major wave in your life ends and another one starts. To be fair though, being born doesn’t always feel as fun as a pony ride through Disneyland, and those of you who go through change regularly will know what I’m talking about. The days and weeks before feel weary, you don’t quite know what’s going on, and you constantly feel out of place somehow.
I have been subject to these emotions for the last few weeks now, culminating in the last days, with a force that I’ve never felt before, and to an extent that made me wonder if I needed Xanax after all. Now slowly, I start realizing why the impact is so big this time: I am ending and starting multiple waves at the same time! So while usually we only have a professional, or a personal, or a geographical wave ending, for me all of them are crashing right now, at the very same moment: A 9 year corporate professional wave, a 3 year US national wave, a 1 year Florida wave, multiple personal relationship waves…
That’s the moment where many choose to jump off the board to not be washed ashore. Well, let me try to summarize how I’m clinging on to this board in a very accurate picture: I’m sitting here in my interim home in my dad’s backyard in Hamburg, surrounded by my belongings in 3 suitcases, without my Miami home that I gave up last month, without my car that I sold, without a job that I quit, without a partner that could follow, without a 401k that makes my security gut feel warm, heck, I don’t even have health insurance anymore!! Believe me, there’s moments where I’m not sure what on earth I was thinking…
I know I know, you don’t really feel bad for me, and you shouldn’t, I’m more than fine in every way, and all of these have been decisions of my own. And the more I understand the concept of waves by looking back on the old ones and understanding what I have learned through each of them, the more I am opening my arms and heart to the next waves to take me, build me and have me surf a full new learning experience.
And now, the most exciting part: Although it’s not an easy time to go through all of these waves crashing – the thought of all of them building up again at the very same time through the coming weeks and months is so uplifting and simply amazing!! So sitting here writing, I feel my heart pumping a little faster, my lips forming a smile and my eyes opening while thinking of the endless and incredible adventures I’m about to embark on on this once in a lifetime journey.
I will save you this for a later post, but believe me, the year is going to be wild. WILD!! And I’m sure that in three weeks’ time I will sit on a roof top in Kuala Lumpur, cheering with 74 new amazing friends from all around the world and being so glad that I had the courage to jump into this craziness. With no Xanax needed, only red wine, sunglasses and a tear of gratitude in my eyes. About what a dang lucky bird I am!!
2017 – here I come!